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Average Rating: 5
Number of people who have voted: 4

By the same author as Grand Line 3.5


6th Feb 2015, 12:03 AM
"Thieving Murder Hobos"

Huh, didn't expect to be first. Tell a story about a time the GM didn't expect you steal stuff but really should have, given the nature of gamers(see title line).

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6th Feb 2015, 12:24 AM

Star Wars campaign, we had a plot virus that would allow us to control imperial droids, so our munchkin vented the life support system of a Star Destroyer to vaccuum then used the hijacked droids to replace the bridge crew giving him control of the star destroyer.

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6th Feb 2015, 1:36 AM
"Weapon of mass turn undead"

High fantasy campaign. A several mile radius was warded by a large magical rock. Living creatures entering the area start making difficult saves vs negative energy until they die (more difficult as you get closer to the center). The region has become a haven for undead.

The PCs find the artifact and realize it is corrupted by a small device in the center. It was originally designed to ward against the undead using positive energy. Using an arrow of phasing and an insanely lucky roll, we purified the artifact. (The DM warned us in advance: DC 40 or TPK from the explosion when we damaged the interior of the larger artifact. Our ranger would need a 19. he got it.)

So we purified the artifact, and the local area will be properly warded against the undead again. One small bastion of purity in the growing blight spreading from the north. Oh. Wait. We have a bag of holding. And we're heading North.

To the DMs credit: after he got over the surprise, he didn't retcon or try to take anything away from us. He let us cart the thing to the final battle, where, as soon as we brought it out of extra-dimensional storage, it vaporized every undead creature within a mile radius (and many of the ones within 3) The campaign bosses (who weren't undead) had to fight us without any kind of troop support, and when we were still unscathed.

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6th Feb 2015, 5:48 AM

That story sounds suspiciously similar to the Old Kingdom Trilogy.

Is it based on that?

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6th Feb 2015, 12:55 PM

I'm pretty sure the DM's initial world concept was a mashup of Dragon Age and Warcraft. I honestly had never heard of the Old Kindom Trilogy before now, though, so I can't say for sure it didn't have any influence on the DM or other players.

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6th Feb 2015, 3:32 AM
"Rail-gun heist"

We keep doing this in our Steampunk campaign, but the worst times were when we took the (Talking!) sphinx head and when we got the rail-gun.

As we were slinking around the slums looking for clues to our current puzzle, a hit man finally caught up to us. He started sniping at us from a couple of blocks away, sinking pieces of re-bar into the walls near us. Our rogue snuck through the nearby buildings and put an arrow in his ears, leaving us with his magnificent rail-gun. Now, he had partially planned for us to take it, as our sniper could not use it in normal battle (it required an entire room set up with jars of battery acid to fire).

What he had forgotten was that the party owned an airship. One trip to the shipyards later, we had a mounted prototype rail-gun on the bottom of The Thistle's Chaff, our first ship weapon that did not involve ballistic party members and glider suits.

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6th Feb 2015, 9:50 AM

I joined a D&D campaign back in the earlier 2000s that fell on this vein. Looking back it still feels like a wasted game night, but I should have saw the signs. The DM was way too into World of Warcraft, as were a few of the players. I played a paranoid Rogue, one kid played an over-acting Paladin (not-lawful stupid, but overly declarative), and another played a gnomish druid dressed in rags. We were left to our devices on to figure out how we met up. I decided to start out hanging around the paladin, because nobody arrests rogues hanging around paladins. The druid was hanging outside the tavern. A few patrons walked by and tossed her some pocket change because they thought she was a beggar. When she saw the two of us, she walked up to us and said "Want to party?"

For review, a small gnomish girl in ill-fitting rags asked a jittery thief and a stuffy paladin if they wanted to "party." We knew that was online slang for grouping up in a MMO, but it was a total "you realize that that sounds like you are propositioning the party, right" moment. Granted those moments are rare, but still disturbing.

Anyways once we met up, we headed to the job board, because apparently the DM thought adventurer requests worked like bulletin boards. As soon as we get there, a royal page pins a request to the board with a dagger and leaves. To get a better look, the Paladin tears it off the board. Which means we just accepted the quest without reading it. Upon reading the document, it was a call for heroes to take down some force vaguely plaguing the land. As the paladin was giving a speech about how we would take on this task to spread goodness across the land, I decided to pocket the dagger that used to hold the request on the board. The DM stopped the game and asked why. I gave this well thought out reason. It was no longer holding anything in place, it was obviously of no importance to the guards, I was a rogue, and it was a free dagger. Begrudgingly, he conceded but made it a dagger of breaking. Meaning it would shatter on a critical success. In the end I didn't care, I got a free dagger. The other players thought of an exploit for it, being that if it shattered after piercing a target, it could continuously do damage, but the campaign didn't last more than one session to test it out. Before we could go on the first part of the quest, The DM and the other players decided talking about World of Warcraft was more interesting and ended the session. As for the first part of the quest, it was "Kill bears, bring back 10 bear hides" or something to that effect.

So yeah, nothing world breaking or humorous. Half the time I grab a weird object, it never gets used. I imagine that they are all in the museum of useless crap stolen by PCs.

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6th Feb 2015, 1:37 PM

This was a looong time ago, but there was a campaign in some custom system the GM made up where we kept abusing the 'break an item' rules to bypass all his locks and traps, so in the next dungeon he made all the doors and chests out of this completely indestructible material that was sort of like solidified magic.

It was also insanely valuable.

And light.

The chests *were* nailed to the floor, but the floor was just made out of ordinary stone...

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7th Feb 2015, 2:58 AM

ok, that is a fairly Kender thing to do. i approve

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6th Feb 2015, 6:13 PM
"Stole the big bad's twin brother."

The drow Zar' from before (previous incarnation was a ranger turned cleric in this one, chaotic good with a side of evil) and company were fighting a set of necromancer twin brothers at the same time, and also their skeletal minions.

One of them rushed Zar and attempted to take his head of with a necrotic infused punch, and failed the roll, so on Zar's turn he responded with "Allow me to show you how that is done" and rolled a natural 20 on the necrotic strike, so instant double max damage+ whatever I pulled from the crit deck, which for magic happened to be enough damage to kill him.

Zar still had a move action, I asked permission to cast a second spell right there if I skipped my next turn. Permission granted, so Zar cast Raise zombie on the fresh corpse, pointed at his still living brother and said "Fuck 'im death".

However speaking is not a free action for us, and because I was doing a second cast the DM allowed the rogue to do his action and he tossed a bomb while Zar was speaking making the "up" part of his command indiscernible due to the noise from the explosion.... the following death of a boss has.. never quite been topped since then, and once everyone realized what had happened we all needed a few minutes to compost ourselves, needless to say the Paladin was aghast staring at Zar with a "What in the 9 hells did you just do?!" kind of stare while the others were a mix of laughter to disgusted laughter, while Zar was quite literally horrified of what he'd done and swore to never use that spell ever again.

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7th Feb 2015, 7:13 AM

Allow me to regale you with a story of epic proportions!

Or it would have been, if the character hadn't been vetoed. Level 4 rogue/necromancer who specializes in manipulation.

I planned to have him be a con artist who quite literally steals everything, including your soul, your secrets, and your dead relatives, ultimately culminating in stealing your will to live. After you off yourself, he steals your corpse and sells it off, then moves on.

It was vetoed for being waaaay too dark for toon.

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7th Feb 2015, 1:03 PM

I have a story of the opposite sort, actually.

In a short-lived nautical campaign the GM was expecting us to steal a boat(we were fighting a group of pirates), but I was our caster, and didn't have any spells capable of helping in nautical battles.

Or so the DM thought.

What I did have was cloth, lantern oil, and mage hand.

To quote the DM(and the rest of the party): "YOU BURNED DOWN THE BOAT!"

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6th Feb 2015, 2:10 AM
""How much does he look like he weighs?""

So, playing Shadowrun 4th Edition a couple years ago. It's the Rise of the Technomancers module, and we're staking out the Queen Elizabeth hospital in Hong Kong, trying to find out what the HELL is going on.

We've got some information on the head of whatever project is going on, a man who'd make Dr. Mengele do a double-take at his methods. Our magician is on overwatch, and spots the not-so-good doctor emerging from his car, and preparing to enter the hospital. Now something that those of you unfamiliar with Shadowrun should know is that magicians can summon up spirits, and in 4th Edition they could be used to massively increase your movement speed, as well as hide you from view until you made an active attack.

So, our mage uses one of his powerful bound spirits to not ony hide himself from view, but to accelerate to somewhere just under the speed of sound, slalom past the formation of bodyguards, and grab the Doc. He then hit the doc with an EMP pulse spell to disable any trackers, took him to an isolated location on top of a skyscraper... and our GM called a halt while she recovered from what her husband had just done to completely break the metaplot.

She got to drop a hospital on us in the end though, so it all worked out.

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6th Feb 2015, 3:56 AM
"The universe says 'no'."

Bleach of the Gods campaign of the characters wound up fighting a resurected and empowered Hitler in a one on one duel. After their victory they decided to loot the body for a disguise.

Loot it of its skin.

He wanted to make a Hitler suit.

The GM basically declared that hell itself declared it a step to far and incinerated Hitler's corpse.

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6th Feb 2015, 8:15 AM
"Thieving murder hobos take 2"

5th edition D&D game last week. Our bard, playing the false identity charlatan, has been working to become more rogue-like. He decides to try and pickpocket me in the middle of combat, as I outed all his false identities. Fails horribly.
So, I pickpocket him instead (wood elf ranger). He only had 3 gold on him, so it was more for the fun than anything.
He then decides to start pickpocketing the entire group. Which goes well until he failed his roll against our cleric.
Post battle, we immediately grapple him, and are literally shaking him upside down to get the groups gold back. Discussions ensue about how we should kill him, so he decides to make a fight of it.
He breaks free, readies for combat, and pickpockets our sorcerer again! (she had just gotten back her 200 gold)
So, being the little troll I am, I attempt to grapple him and fail, but steal all his gold again in the process. I then back off, and tell the group that I have no reason to kill him as he owed my character a large amount of money at 200% daily interest.
So they kill him instead. I now have half the groups gold, the dead thief's magic armor, his forgery kit, and his finger. Now to find a high-level cleric who can resurrect......

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Yuko Hoon

Yuko Hoon

6th Feb 2015, 10:01 AM

Do you remember those two jedis I wrote about a few days ago? Meera and Shu? Well, they are part of a rather heterogeneous group that, at this time of the campaign, included a smuggler that was... well, let's just say her being in the Resistance was more a matter of bussines than real adderence to the cause. The group were investigating several planets that were marked on a map in an Imperial computer they had recovered from an abandoned base, and travelled to one that was nearly unknown.

At this planet, we find a group of rather nasty pirates. Their leader is a though bone. Then the smuggler decides to pickpocket said leader... and grabs a piramidal device. Yep, the smuggler pickpocketed a damned Sith holocron. Extra points for not telling the two jedis about it.

I'm pretty sure our DM wasn't planning to send us to Yavin 4 that early. But since the player wasn't able to play with us anymore, he kinda sent the character, controled by the force behind the holocron, to said moon with us on tow. Yep, we met the final boss early. And we managed to survive, somehow.

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6th Feb 2015, 6:47 PM

My first D&D campaign was set in Eberon and the dm mostly used the modules wotc sold. our first adventure took us to a abandoned lab in which all the doors where made of solid adamantium so naturally we took one of its hinges and found a blacksmith to reforge it into weapons for all the party members who wanted them. I point out that this was my first campaign because now I would of course find a way to take all the doors and end up with a massive fortune and adamantium armor at first level rarther than just a weapon ;P

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