Page 556 in The Baratie
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Page 556

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Average Rating: 5
Number of people who have voted: 4

By the same author as Grand Line 3.5
Author Notes:



11th Jun 2014, 1:11 AM

At the rate I'm making these comics, I may have to miss another update sooner or later. >_>

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12th Jun 2014, 12:15 PM

Edit: Typo in panel 4.

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Tempest Fennac

11th Jun 2014, 1:27 AM

So far I'd say the curse seems worthwhile. :P It at least explains why the sword has so many powerful abilities.

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11th Jun 2014, 1:35 AM

Sweet, cursed items. The best kind. Remind anyone of another cursed sword coming up?

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11th Jun 2014, 7:03 AM

Me, I can't help but think Cory will use his intimidation skill on that sword. It is an epic scene for that sort of roll.

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11th Jun 2014, 2:24 AM

So, story time is about cursed weapons! I think we all know where my story time will be from.

So here's the thing. Raxon doesn't ever intentionally make cursed items. However, he's still more or less humanoid. Since he specializes in crafting enchanted items, this can go very badly. I'll just post a few little goodies here for you.

First up is the death rattle. It's an ornate baby rattle, that was intended to promote healthy bone growth in children. Upon testing, however, Raxon found that he turned the bone growth waaaaay too high. Once you pick it up, the bones in your hand begin to grow together and fuse. After a few minutes, you can't drop it because all the joints in your hand are fused. The effect spreads to your arm, and within an hour, your elbow will lock. After three hours, you will begin to have trouble breathing and walking, as your ribs and spine fuse and grow rigid and unyielding. Death occurs in roughly six hours, the result of suffocation.

Next up, the blood sugar band. A simple vampiric bracelet, intended to check blood sugar levels every thirty minutes, and alert you if it starts to spike or drop. Again, a miscalculation resulted in the bracelet taking a teaspoon of blood, rather than a drop. Trust me, one teaspoon every half hour will kill you. The error has since been corrected, and the bands will soon be marked for sale, but the faulty prototype is still stored away.

Finally, we have the belt of martial prowess. Simply a belt that infers great combat abilities to you and dulls pain, which you will need, because you will be punching and kicking with such force that you will break your limbs. Badly.

And, of course, Raxon does make beneficial items with some minor deleterious effects to give to his enemies. But they're not cursed items! They are technically different from evil, cursed items by virtue of technically being good items with unfortunate side effects. Never anything lethal or extremely painful, mind you. Only minor irritations.

Now, let's talk about a very special class of items. The beneficial cursed items.

Some things in some games I played:

A cursed sword that feeds on poison and blood. It was intended to be such a foul blade nobody would touch it, but I did. The next time I got stung, I whipped that bad boy out and stuck it in the wound immediately. I took 1d6 damage from blood loss, but I saved myself 2d4 CON damage. Yeah, absolutely not the way it was intended to be used, but why not?

Bloody bodkin: an odd item, the hole constantly drips with blood. Basically useless. Except as an infinite blood transfusion. Leecing enemies? Screw that! Stab that thing in my arm and give it a few minutes, I'm good to go!

Cursed Ring of Darkness: Oh what fun this was! It was a ring of alignment change that flipped your alignment to your opposite, but with one catch. Sunlight caused you harm. A great deal of harm. Everyone else wanted to destroy it. I used it, and some shoe polish, and my half orc kender went undercover as a drow. That... didn't go so well. The blackface and the ring would have done the trick, if I had been an elf. Or a drow. Nobody would ever suspect a drow of infiltrating drow society. It was almost the perfect plan. And before anyone complains, no, I wasn't painting my face black to be racist, I honestly thought maybe it might work. I meak, it worked when I had a drow paint her face pink and infiltrate dwarf society wearing a santa beard. Yes, she was five foot six. Yes, I did well enough that everyone believed I was just a very tall, very limber dwarf lady. I would think stage makeup would be part of a disguise kit, after all.

Finally, there was the book of offenses. It changed inside, depending on the reader. Whatever was inside would be hideously offensive to the reader. As in, beyond just being mean, it was downright evil. A paladin who had read it, became enraged when the book was about him becoming a warlock, raising his dead wife and little girl as zombies, and selling the daughter's soul and body to a demon of defilement, in order to trade for a succubus that would be inhabited by the soul of his wife. Yeah, it was that kind of horrible. Giving the book away invariably turned anyone who received it against you, and upon leaving your possession, you were inflicted with hideous laughter. I gave the book to a demon. The DM rolled a d100 for reactions. The book detailed how the demon abandoned his power, his minions, and instead became a cleric of Pelor. A simple wandering monk, tending to the sick, defending the weak, and giving of himself without regard to his own financial standing. The result was... the demon shooed us away, but we could hear him moaning from inside. He thought the book was really, really kinky, in a massively forbidden way. Yeah, I just gave him the book because I figured we were all gonna die anyway.

Those are my stories. Let's hear yours!

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11th Jun 2014, 3:45 AM
"book of offenses"

that is just severely wrong

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11th Jun 2014, 4:02 AM

There is just no way anyone is gonna top Raxon.


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11th Jun 2014, 4:15 AM

I don't care about competition, I just wanna hear some great stories!

And yes, it was the most horrible book. For my character, the DM couldn't come up with anything to do that hadn't already happened in my character's backstory, so he left it to me. My character read the book aloud. We suffered a -3 morale penalty for the next twenty four hours as a result. Would you like me to paste what was written in it? Totally safe for work, pinkie promise. Too late. Here it is!

Once upon a time there was a happy little kitten named Cuddles who lived in an enchanted meadow and ate sugar and fluffity goodness, and slept every night on a cushiony soft pillow of buttercups. She had a friend named Stevia, and he was a nice little bunny, who loved to play with Cuddles all day long in the grassy fields filled with the magical flowers that made everybody happy and healthy. They loved to run in the fields and play in the meadows, and Ms. Bessie, the joyful love cow, gave them yummy chocolate milk that made their tummies all warm and happy inside. One day, Giggle the badger saw Cuddles and Stevia playing, and she asked if she could play. Cuddles and Stevia were so happy to have a new friend to play with that they sang a happy song together, and danced and danced until bedtime, where they told stories and sang and laughed until they just couldn't stay awake anymore, and fell asleep on their cushiony soft buttercup pillows.

The next morning, Cuddles had an idea, Ms. Bessie had told her of a magical castle at the other end of a great big rainbow that started at the other end on the enchanted meadows, and she wanted to go see it, so she asked if Stevia and Giggle wanted to come along too. Stevia was excited to go, and so was Giggle, but Giggle was a little nervous, so she went to Ms. Bessie, and asked for some special milk to take on their trip, and Ms. Bessie made 4 big bottles full of her special chocolate milk, and packed some special sunshine sandwiches, made from fluff and sunshine sugar fruit extracts. When Giggle showed Cuddles and Stevia what Ms. Bessie had made for them, they were so happy they skipped the whole way, and sang, and sang, and laughed and laughed until they made it to the rainbows edge!

When they found it, they were very happy, and they rested a while before starting. When they were done resting, they started to follow the rainbow, which led them to a really big pond. They tried to cross the pond, but nobody could swim! Suddenly, just when they were all about to be sad, a very pretty swan swam up to them and asked what they were doing. Cuddles explained that they wanted to follow the rainbow to see the magical castle, but they couldn't swim, and the pond was very big, too big to go around. The pretty swan told them that her name was Flower and she wanted to go see the castle too, and offered to give them a ride across. everyone was very happy to have a new friend, and they sang and laughed and smiled and hugged all the way across the big pond that was way too big to go around. When they reached the other side, they all had a picnic and found yummy red berries and pretty red mushrooms with little white spots that filled their tummies with yum.

When they finished their picnic, they all skipped happily, following the rainbow and singing happy fun songs together. After a while, they came to the edge of a big, spooky forest, and it had scary sounds, but after a while, they met a big, strong, fuzzy honey bear named Gruff, and he asked if he could come see the castle with them. Everyone was so happy to have a new friend that they sang the happy friendship song and danced around a campfire, nibbling the yummy red mushrooms that let them see pretty colors. They had lots of fun, but finally, it was time for sleep, and everyone was tired, so they slept by the campfire, and the fire kept going all night while they slept, keeping them warm and happy. In the morning, they put extra logs on the campfire, and left it for other travelers who might need it. Pretty soon, they started getting hungry, but they couldn't find anything, so they all ate the yummy fluffy sandwiches that Ms. Bessie had made, and they were full and happy.

Pretty soon, they came to another field, and it was nice, but it wasn't as magical and soft as the enchanted meadows, and it was very, very small, and when they reached the end of it, they saw a long, long desert, as far as the eye could see, with lots and lots of sand. They walked, and they walked, and they walked some more, they walked for a very long time, and they started to get hungry. The desert was very empty, and they couldn't find any food at all. Cuddles and Giggle were getting worried, but Flower said she would fly way up high to see if she could see any food. When she got up as high as she could fly, she saw something wonderful, it was a big tree, just over the next hill, and there must be food there! She flew down to tell the others, and they were all very happy, and started skipping happily towards the tree as best they could, being so hungry.

When they reached the tree, they found it was really big, and none of them could climb high enough to reach the branches, but Gruff had an idea! He walked over to the big tree and put his big bear arms around it, and shook the tree really hard, and finally, food fell from the branches, it was a muffin tree! All the muffins were yummy, and they got a bunch to take with them, so they wouldn't get hungry and have to look for food for a long, long time. After they all finished eating, they started skipping happily on their way, full of yummy muffins and singing the friendship song. after a while, they all got the end of the desert, and found a frozen, barren wasteland. They walked through, and everyone started to get very cold, but then they met a nice walrus that helped them all get nice warm coats, and sent them on their way.

When they finally got away from the wasteland, they found an enchanted forest, a nice happy forest, not spooky like the other one, and there, deep in the forest, they found the wonderful magical castle, and they were so happy, they sang the happy friendship song and danced, and danced, and danced until they were tired, and then they went and met the king, and became very good friends, and the nice king invited them to stay and live there forever and ever, where they all laughed, and danced, and sang, and ate all the happy things they wanted, forever and ever. And they all lived happily ever after, the end.

EDIT: My goodness, I might want to ease off a bit. Both my posts together are over four times the length of the comic.

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11th Jun 2014, 5:27 AM

[url=""]The Horror[/url]

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11th Jun 2014, 11:34 AM

And that is what I mean that no one can top Raxon.
I mean, I just can't stop lauging by reading this story! I'm serious - I chased the cat out of the room by lauging to hard!
Please Raxon, continu wriding those awsome stories of D&D!

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11th Jun 2014, 12:56 PM

It was an old thing from a now defunct project. I have it pop up every now and again. I have a few things like this back home. None quite like this, though. I could probably pull a short story or two off teh interwebs that I've done and post them here. But not right now. Later.

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11th Jun 2014, 7:59 AM

Well, there was that one time where a monk of mine had a pair of shoes that were cursed to cause me to dance whenever I was in combat. Unfortunately, I didn't know what they were, until I tried to hit something and was sent old soft shoeing in another direction.

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11th Jun 2014, 8:02 AM
"worst car-chase ever"

So we were playing in this (by that point relatively high-power) Mage: The Awakening campaign. And had learned about a theft that was going to happen at a museum or somesuch. So we spent lots of time setting up an ambush for when the bad guys would come out and stuff.

They come running out and before we manage to do anything... CAR-CHASE HAPPENS.

So me and one of the others down there on the ground grabs on the car chasing the thieves and ends up on the back of a pickup truck... together with a couple of hostile wolf spirits.

Now I try and use magic to slow down the car, roll quite well and... instead of slowing down (to about half or 1/4 of the speed) it instead speeds up by the same factor! So instead of slowing them down so they fail their pursuit they're now on top of the target they're chasing...

Turns out the thieves that ran past us had stolen some horribly cursed diamond (or somesuch) that was reversing the spell.

In terms of D&D cursed items the closest I've gotten is by the end of a campaign having a character who greatly wanted a Gender-changing item to be restored to their original gender, post reincarnating as a bugbear.

Which also gives the awesome idea of the cross-dressing paladin bugbear.

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11th Jun 2014, 9:28 AM

Don't have much in the way of cursed items. Best I have is Bitterfang, an unholy sword carved from demonic metal and held by the shadow dancing head of the thieves guild. It glowed with a black aura and made those who stood in its presence feel cold just to be near it. That was until the PCs came along anyway.

After successfully slaying the thief, and his men, and then doing the classic moment of picking out who gets what loot, it was perfectly obvious that Bitterfang would go to the paladin of tyranny. He was the only evil character in the party and it complemented him perfectly. That is until he touched it. See, this paladin had a flaw that had a 25% chance of placing a curse on any magical item he touched for the first time. And he placed a reversal curse on Bitterfang. The moment the paladin held the blade aloft he yelled in pain and dropped it. The sword glowed with a wondrous light and angels chorused all around.

Needless to say, The demonic looking, black spiked Bitterfang is now a high level celestial weapon wielded by the innocent cleric girl instead.

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11th Jun 2014, 4:38 PM

My only Cursed story is from a 1shot session where I rolled up a CHA heavy factotum/Iaijutsu master and got around the whole "only 1 draw out attack per round" by having my primary weapon be the classic -2 cursed sword from the DMG that teleports to your hand every time you draw another weapon.

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11th Jun 2014, 5:07 PM

Well, the damage over time is consistent with some versions of the bleed ability, which is only a +1 bonus.
(The other variations is 1 point of Con damage on hit, which is unlikely in this case due to it deal 2d4 Con, rather than 2d4+1 Con)

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12th Jun 2014, 5:49 AM
"Cursed Pillow"

So one of the earlier campaigns I was in, we (the party) were essentially a traveling circus in addition to kind of adventuring. My character was class was beguiler and I was something of a stage magician as well as an actor. Anyways.

After a lot of going in circles (this was just a bit after the DM suddenly declared that most of the campaign so far had been a dream) we were all in town getting supplies and I decided I wanted a magic item even though we had almost no gold.

Eventually the DM tells me I find a magic pillow for sale, no idea what it does. So I buy it and start sleeping with it all the time.

Turns out the pillow was cursed and my character started to want to allways sleep and not do anything else. On the other hand, my character was already super lazy and was fine with that.

This continued until the rest of the party staged an intervention to try and get me to give up the pillow. I still feel that my response (cast invisibility and run) was perfectly acceptable. I would have probably gotten away if another player wasn't so quick in scattering caltrops everywhere so they could chase me by my bloody feet.

End result was the party holding me down while they made me watch my pillow being fed to the dragon tamer's pet juvenile dragon. Little do they know that I just moved the pillow from my inventory to the 'inventory off of person' with the location listed as "inside dragon".

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12th Jun 2014, 8:35 AM

The nearest i have to a story about cursed items is about a game i'm mastering for a friend (since we needed something to play for those days when all our other friends decided they didn't want to play anything but League of Legends ¬¬). The thing is that the campaign goeas about telling the story of a half-god of sorts that wasn't aware of his heritage until some orcs attacked his village and took away everyone they could alive in order to do a sacrifice to a demon and make him come to the material plane, so the guy embarked on a quest to rescue everyone. Right before the attack, he had stolen his master's spyglass to spy on the girls that were bathing, but it turned out the spyglass was enchanted and could talk... or rather, it couldn't shut up. In the middle of the attack, the guy managed to get out of a temple his uncle's (who is a god of fire and battle) sword. Thas was how he survived, but it turned out the sword also could talk and was always fighting with the spyglass. The thing is that both items can only be heard by him. The idea for the campaign is that he will get at least another 3 items like those (his master's soul sealed in a sword, an ancient elven wizard who sealed his conciousness in a ring in order to live to help him, since he knew the future, and the soulstone containing the archdaemon the orcs wanted to summon, once he defeats it), causing him to be always hearing voices only he can listen to so in the end he'll have a reputation for being a crazy but dangerous guy who's always speaking to himself and from time to time start yelling shut ups and threats to anyone that's around.

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