Page 528 in The Baratie
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Average Rating: 5
Number of people who have voted: 3

By the same author as Grand Line 3.5



9th Apr 2014, 1:38 AM

Story time today is about characters being totally dismissed as harmless, stupid, or insane! I expect some good ones! I will start with a story from Ransu.

Now, Ransu is a broken character. As in so broken you can see cracks in the game broken.

He has extremely high dex, is strong enough to chop down a tree with a single punch, and has enough points in various stealth and combat maneuvers that he can kill a hundred armed knights without getting a scratch. Now let's talk about what I had to sacrifice to make him this powerful. He is an idiot savant. Anything that isn't included in either combat or survival, he is basically useless at. I ended up trying to make him OP at other things, like diplomacy, by arguing that words are just punches you throw with your mouth. Sadly, I could not convince anyone that I should be able to substitute combat rolls for public speaking checks.

Now here's the thing. Ransu is not so good at speaking. Outside of the battlefield or a mission, he ends up sounding like a cross between Woody Allen and FUNNY!Jerry Lewis. "So you see, now, Mister your highness, my job Is, I mean, I am very good at making the bad men fall down with the stabbing and the bleeding." Ransu is trying to sound badass here. Honestly trying as hard as he can.

Yeah. It never goes over well. He gets tons of work, though, because invariably, he overspeaks his welcome, and the guards ttry to force him out. He is dismissed as an idiot, a liar, and a waste of time. Then the guards try to grab him, and he doesn't even notice them, evading their grasp and subduing them without paying attention to them.

I also gave him low wisdom, and the flaws thrill seeker, gullible, and high metabolism, requiring him to eat more.

Long story short, perhaps the most badass assassin/mercenary/stalker/hunter/survivalist I have ever made is so bad at public speaking, he makes Jeff Goldblum look as eloquent as Shakespeare. And he is hilarious hammy with it.

That said, when he needs it for a tactical advantage in combat, he speaks plainly, calmly, and curtly. Something like "Five hundred men gather on the battlefield today. I will be payed well for every last one."

In combat, terrifying. Out of combat, not so much.

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9th Apr 2014, 1:56 AM

I'd like to hear more stories about this guy. He sounds pretty great!

In my case, I've got a two for one. The first is my own first D&D character, Arsene Ratoue. He was a Chaotic Neutral thief, and he was...not of the best of mind. He tried on multiple occasions to hit on a mysterious lady in a mirror, steal a gigantic raven's cage-with the dead raven's bones still inside-and befriend/make into a pet the Kobolds he and his friend, the dwarf whose name I cannot recall, had encountered.

He also OHKO'd/backstabbed a shapeshifting Kobold that disguised itself as a dragon before the two entered the room, and took it as a sign that he had turned the dragon into a Kobold with his blade. He began calling it the Kobolder and attempted to use it on EVERY baddie he came into contact with. He was pretty good in battle, though, and when it came to some of his skills, he was an ace (or at least, the dice were kind to him). Here's an example:

He once attempted to climb a church's holy statues to wave at the guards. This led to him being tied up by his own party and kept in the bag of holding in order to keep him from doing anything even stupider. During the party's discussions with the church higher-ups (who were suspicious as all hell, but they thought diplomacy was the right way), Arsene managed to (by virtue of a 20 on a spur of the moment dice roll) leap out of the bag of holding and his bondage, speeding out the door like a man possessed. He also accidentally led to a TPK when, while doing a mostly-well done infiltration afterwards, decided to punch one of the church's priests.

Yeah. Not too proud of that little moment.

The second character is actually one that a friend made for a campaign I ran for Spirit of the Century, a detective named Harry Klue. He was a bit of an oddjob, attempting to investigate food at a fancy party for all kinds of poisons, calling an esteemed scientist Dolphin Man on more than one occasion, innocently stating horrifically terrible things that got a lot of people pissed off at the Centurions, and so on. His player had awful rolls a lot of the time as well, so he became somewhat of a laughingstock in-universe. But when push came to shove, he really got dangerous, solving a lot of the mysteries involving the main plotline of the campaigns we ran and ending up getting the final blow on the BBEG by dropping out of a biplane in the middle of New York City with a fist made of solid-rock. He was one hell of a guy.

I'm sure there's other so-stupid-and-so-easily-dismissed-but-so-great-at-what-they-do characters I've encountered over the years, but I can't recall them right now. These two stuck out the most in any case.

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9th Apr 2014, 2:18 AM

Go back and read more comments. Ransu got up to some really, really stupid stuff, because he's a goofball, friendly, and good natured, when he's not being paid to slaughter your enemies. A list of things he has done;

-Mastered throwing weapons to the point where he can roll perfect snake eyes every single time at craps, and if you know the rules about how you have to bounce the dice off the back, that's really freaking impressive.
-Pretends to commit all manner of heinous crimes in order to drive up the bounty on his head, because the higher his bounty, the more he can charge for his services.

-Abducting a queen out of her bed, and escaping with her by launching himself over the castle walls with her over his shoulder.

-Burned down a community center for the mob, so they could collect the exorbitant insurance and build it bigger and better, because a better community center means less street gangs, and that's less competition for the mob.

-Play bodyguard to a drug lord's daughter, and quickly become her favorite body guard.

-Save a unicorn from a rabid bear.

-See the miracle of unicorn birth.

-Get stabbed by a unicorn.

-Become functionally immortal.

-Sneak all over town unnoticed to prepare for a mission, while having the larger and heavier queen strapped to his back.

-Performing said stealth mission, and silently killing his target without being seen, inside a heavily guarded compound, still with the queen strapped to his back.

-Using 98% alcohol as anaesthetic.

-Getting away with kidnapping the queen because there is technically no law stating it is illegal to abduct her, due to very specific wording in the laws.

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9th Apr 2014, 2:53 AM
"Min-Maxing for Mega Benefit"

My first character EVER was a wizard named Zok. I was just learning the system, but I had some advice and was learning to minmax. Over about a year of playing I got more acquainted with the system and realized I wanted to become an alienist. Sure summoning horrors from beyond reality was perhaps not the wisest idea, but it sure was fun. Speaking of not the wisest idea, wisdom was my dump stat. More than that though, my wisdom just kept going lower. Alienist levels cost you your sanity you see and sanity is wisdom. Fortunately, will saves start working based on your wisdom penalty (thank you obscure feats) not your bonus. The outer reaches were talking to me and my brain wasn't taking it well. By the end of the campaign my character was so insane that at one point he actually threw himself into a volcano, because it amused him (of course it was a mystic volcano and instead of hurting him it spit him back out with some very powerful magic enhancements, the campaign of course assumed no one was mad enough to throw themselves into the volcano).

Of course none of this stacks up to the shish kebabs. Around level fifteen, we were in a metropolis and my character saw a street vendor selling shish kebabs. To the credit of this honorable citizen, when I offered him 500 gold for his kebabs he did in fact give me 500 gold worth of shish kebabs. Which I kept. All of them. Over the weeks and months I would eat one or two (being slowly merged with the outer planes does wonders for your constitution). By the end of the campaign, the beginning of a climactic final boss fight, I had only two left. Feeling inspired I drew them from my back, nocked my bow, and fired. Now needless to say, most enemies would not be phased by a long rotted shish kebab fired from the bow of a mad mage with less strength and weapons training than the average dog. But every once in a while fate intervenes. Every once in a while, the stars align, and a rotten shish kebab that is literally months old wakes an elder evil.

And that is the story of how I doomed the universe with min-maxing and deli meats.

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9th Apr 2014, 3:28 AM
"Not just combat monsters"

You know what? Spent awhile editing while trying to come across in a way that isn't petty and bitter... and I've come to the conclusion that it may just not be a good story.

So a friend of mine is playing in a Vampire the Masquerade game. It's not going well. Two of the other players kind of resent him and aren't making any choices. I figure that if I come along I can perhaps help the climate of the game because it sounded interesting.

So I create Serge Pelay. A (slightly) insane vampire with powers of insanity. Which I passed on because the rules for Dementation are vague and terrible. Decide to pick up the Mind Reading and Stealth powers. Also high social and mental stats. Because I figure it's likely to come up and I'm going to be trying to diffuse situations and resolve conflicts with diplomacy and trickery.

He's also someone who hates seeing people suffer, and had astronomical willpower and courage. Can you be hot blooded and cool headed?

That being said I didn't want him to be totally useless in combat even if he was squishy. So firearms skill.

Regular bullets? Useless. Crossbow bolts and incendiary rounds? Great!

Should have been really effective. But the GM decided he wasn't. So he was useless.

I could give a more detailed account. But that would be extremely lengthy.

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9th Apr 2014, 4:05 AM

Just sounds like a mean GM to me.

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9th Apr 2014, 5:27 AM

I'm not sure to what degree the issue is her being a mean GM. I think there is a sadistic side to her, but there's also an aspect that's just afraid of conflict.

I'm pretty bitter about the whole affair, and may not be presenting things fairly.

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9th Apr 2014, 4:27 AM
"Belkar the Illusionist"

Belkar was/is a gnome illusionist, highly specialized through at least two PrC in DnD. He is usually quite a goofball and regularly gets the Gibbs-style hadslap by fellow party members. He constantly reminds me of The Gamers 2's "The horny bard does not represent us".

At some point, of course, in front of some quest giving priest or similar, he decided to be offended by the Gibbs-style headslap he received. So he cast an illusion of a badger attacking one of the party. Everyone except the victim made the save. Since we were abit hazy on the illusion rules the everyone saw the illusion, but noone believed it, except for the poor guy, being mauled by the illusory badger. He tried to get the badger of, without success, obviously, and everyone else was just laughing.... poor guy.

Semms you should not dismiss the goofballs after all...

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9th Apr 2014, 12:40 PM
"Frulamin Beestinger"

Although not my character, he showed up in a game I played in.

Frulamin Beestinger is a gnome. Gnomes are known for their crazy inventions, but this guy was different. Not more crazy, necessarily, and not less either. Instead of becoming a powerful illusionist or devoting his time to something useful, he took the Effigy Master prestige class. (Yes, this is real in d&d 3.5). Basically, he makes effigies (giant dolls) of things. Needless to say, he got made fun of more than the average gnome. Still, our group of epic level adventurers had a reason to seek him out. We need him to create an effigy of an elf for part of the plan in our crazy outside-of-existence prison break. So, we go find him, and eventually have to rescue him from some stuff (but that doesn't matter for this).
He needs some supplies from the workshop in his hometown, so obviously we do a casual greater teleport over there to pick the stuff up. While we're there, my rogue notices some weird lines going through the buildings. When he points it out "those are supposed to be there". So, nobody thinks about it. Then, there's a knock on the door. An abomination made up of worms that take humanoid form is there- a worm that walks. We happen to know, or at least know of, this particular one. He's a bad guy, so battle ensues. (Polite enough to knock though). A combat ensues involving telekinesis flinging 25 +1 greatswords at our shirtless half-celestial fighter, swinging swords, failed attempts to flank someone MADE OUT OF WORMS and some other epic spellcasting. During this time, Frulamin Beestinger runs over into the corner of the building. To hide, obviously. I mean, what else could he do? So, during the battle, we notice a rumbling. Then more rumbling. Then, the entire town turns into a gigantic *cough* robot *cough* construct. This is FrulaMAX, Frulamin Beestinger's proudest but also-very-illegal creation. With some antigravity, and some well timed stunning, we set up a nice rhythm of FrulaMAX pounding one of the most powerful evil persons in existence into the ground, having them float back up into the air, and repeating the process.
Then, after the battle (and *making sure* the dude was going to stay dead, forever) FrulaMAX goes back to, well, being the town. (We discovered that there weren't actually any residents in this hometown of Frulamin Beestinger, only effigies. It was kinda a sucky town.)
*Bamph* (obviously, that's the sound of people teleporting in).
Just some local authorities checking what the ruckus was. Something about a giant construct? We look at a nervous Frulamin Beestinger. Then, the bard speaks up. "Nope, that's clearly a ridiculous idea. There was a bad guy though and we fought him *etc etc*." Everyone believes what Declan says. If he'd actually been trying to convince the party members the battle hadn't just happened, they probably would have believed him too. So, Frulamin Beestinger may still get picked on by other people, but our party knows the *real* story.

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9th Apr 2014, 8:54 PM

This isn't a character I've had a chance to make use of yet, but he qualifies by dint of the rules and setting alone.

The character, whose name is Winthrop, is a Biotic from Splicers. Basically this means that he's a super-soldier augmented with all kinds of organic technology, from an pseudo-jetpack to a half-dozen rockets to viper-esque heat pits, and is tougher than a baseline human by an order of magnitude or two. Part of the augmentation process involves mind-wiping the Biotic, so the process is used on people that won't be particularly missed: the desperate, convicted criminals, and the retarded. Their in-universe description explicitly says that they're not treated as much more than animals, have an expected five-year lifespan before they die on the battlefield, and are, to a man, insane.

Well, despite all that in the description, Winthrop actually has a genius-level IQ and his only insanity is an obsessive love of flight-- which isn't crippling or even really harmful due to his organic thrusters; he just floats around everywhere a couple inches off the ground and will fly instead of walk whenever he gets the chance. Biotics are also extremely tough in a fight, and the flagship classes of the setting are people in organic power armor-- which means whenever they're not in the armor, a direct fight with the Biotic begins and ends with "He punches you in the face. Roll up a new character, your head is chunky salsa". Even in their armors, at least at lower levels Biotics can keep pace with them. Thanks to some good rolls Winthrop is a nasty customer in a fight even among his class.

But because he's very clearly a Biotic-- the enhancements give him away-- everybody assumes he's a near-mindless idiot who only exists to follow orders. I'd intended to run him as a PC, but circumstances mean he's going to wind up as an NPC in a campaign I'm about to start. I'm rather hoping that the Biotic stigma extends to the player characters as well, so I can eventually spring on them that the idiot they've been talking down to is actually smarter than they are.

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Sir william

24th Oct 2015, 6:18 AM
"Dave the pyro and Grim the child"

the previously mentioned Dave has the flaws Pyromaniach (and he counts as a source of flame
So I can't just leave his matches at home when it's important) and Dangerously Curious.

Grim is 12 years old... His scythe is taller than he is.

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9th Apr 2014, 2:40 PM

My current character is a Pathfinder Alchemist who talks to his own bombs as a result of his low wisdom score. In return, said low wisdom is implied to be the result of drinking and consuming sucpicious alchemical brews all the time. Each bomb "recipe" has it's own personality: the default is a soldier, the incendiary bomb is a hot-headed young fighter, the demolition bomb is a scholar who hates destroying buildings and the smoke bomb is some kind of ninja.

Since he's an alchemist he's incredibly smart but he tend to dismiss essential (and obvious) facts as mere details (if he's not just completely oblivious about those facts), so the other players often dismiss his ideas. For example, EVERY TIME we come across a locked door (and sometimes just a closed one), they have to stop me from blasting it open. Even that one time we were on the 2nd floor of a decrepit mansion on the top of a cliff. "What? It'll get it opened in no time!"

He's smart enough, though, that he's displayed before some signs that he might be aware of how mentally unstable he actually is, so we don't know how much of this is my character being delirious and how much he's just messing with the others.

Once he suffered from a further Wisdom drain and thought his comrades were his bombs. That time he confirmed he ignored them (the bombs) most of the time so the other wouldn't think he's nuts.

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9th Apr 2014, 8:33 PM

Demolition bomb is so horribly weak i don't see why its ever concidered an option. When you need to be lv 16+ to take out a door a commoner with a hammer could bash down at lv 1 you really need to consider other options.

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11th Apr 2014, 2:40 PM

It was mostly because it was cool, I admit. At the time one of the character had Knowledge (Engeneering) or something like that, so our GM would allow us the artistic license of targetting "weak points" in some structures (especially when we were in ruins). Buuut that character died 10 levels ago, and is waiting under Gentle Repose to be brought back to life, so I didn't use that kind of bombs much anymore.

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10th Apr 2014, 5:39 PM
"Tsuchimikado Jiro, the Unexpected Archer"

My friend is a really good Gm and was starting a Savage Worlds campaign, which I was asked to join. I rolled up a healing character, a onmyouji, along with an armor and summon ally spell just in case (my parry and toughness were 2 and 5 respectively and I knew I was going to need help).

From experience, I knew I was going to need a ranged weapon to fight when I was out of spells or I would get yelled at by my fellow party members, so as an Onmyou mage I decided to wield a bow.

My first adventure involved stowing away on a ghost ship until I hit a trading town and then made my way to the city of Haven. I got to the town easy because the owners of the ship did not believe it was possible for a stowaway to even get to there ship, making stealth easy and getting away when we landed in port even easier. Then came to caravan.

Literally five minutes after the caravan left the city it was assaulted by bandits. The caravan guards charged out to fight, but they were severely outnumbered. So I cast armor on both of them to make them tougher, flew up (I was an avion, meaning I was a human with wings) and shot an arrow at one of the bandits. I then shot his head clean off, much to the surprise of our GM and all of the other players, and it continued until I had killed every one of the bandits.

This pattern has continued, but only when I have the high ground, leading to some hilarious situations while party members try to put me into positions above the enemy, but I am now known as the "How the Hell did you kill that with an arrow?" character.

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10th Apr 2014, 10:50 PM
"Mindy and Buttons"

A character I still sorely wish I had gotten to play, Mindy was a halfling made for Pathfinder that began as a horrible amalgamation of pop culture and got more satisfyingly tragic as time went on.

She had feats to allow her to pass herself off as a human child flawlessly, and truly believed that she was just a little girl, going off on adventures with her big dog Buttons to save her.

Buttons was both her stuffed doll and her werewolf side/split personality. She was meant to be under-estimated, as a rogue built around guile and the innocent charm that allows adorable children to get their way, but if things had gotten serious enough she was always moments away from burying herself deep into her own psyche and letting Buttons handle the meanies.

I'd be interested to know how many of her cartoon show/pop culture influences people would care to guess at, as I've forgotten at least half of them since making here.

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Dai Gurren Rabbit

11th Apr 2014, 12:44 AM
"Killer Rabbits"

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Eliharah the Demon Rabbit.
Eliharah is what happens when the DM is sick of his players refusing to role-play, so he calls in his psychotic friend who had just finished reading Watership Down.
Eliharah was a Hengeyokai, a Fey creature that's part human part animal, I was playing a rabbit man. He was also a Storm Sorcerer, so he was shooting lots of lightning and wind before he got a spell that was basically a bomb on command.
Now Eliharah was not someone you take seriously. He was four foot nothing with his ears, spoke in a ridiculous fuax-British accent, and was sleeping with the paladin (under his bed in rabbit form, but it still confused the hell out of the guy who got back from the bathroom to see the two of us in the same bed).
Also most of the local goblin population worships him as a god.
Things he has done include
-Instantly solving a riddle that had the rest of the players baffled (it was actually an OOC riddle asked by one of the players but they refused to play until they figured it out)
-Shows up late to a battle riding a giant lizard (who went on to become a badass in his own right) almost instantly kills the guy nobody else could hit
-Pump a man full of so much lightning that he explodes as revenge for killing said giant lizard, causing the lizard to come back to life in the process
-Blow up the mayors house by shooting lightning into the sewers to clear out the local wererat problem
-sneaking into a goblin stronghold and convince the leaders that he was their dracolich god so they would rush the dungeon that the party was planning to raid and set off most of the traps
-Drive a ghost goblin to despair through the power of song
-Blow up an entire room of undead goblins in one turn
-violently kill the goblin's necromancer leader, resulting in instant worship from all the goblins who thought that "there's no point ta lootin an killin if yah already dead"
-using said influence with the goblins to cancel a massive goblin raid on the town by convincing the goblins to instead throw a massive party that resulted in everybody (human and goblin) waking up three days later with massive headaches.
-participating in a shotgun wedding between the leader of the goblins and the daughter of the town's guard captain, resulting in the creation of a city where humans and goblins live in harmony, brought together by their mutual alcoholism.

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13th Apr 2014, 8:39 AM

My donation to this is my DnD 3.5 Fighter/Barbarian hybrid, Ewan. Like any good damage dealer, he had a high strength in exchange for lower stats in the mental department. Not stupid, persay, but definitely not getting any medals in academia. His introduction to the party was to start a huge bar fight, during which he suplexed the party's paladin and knocked him out with three straight 20's. Ever since then, it's been a veritable rampage (This is an ongoing campaign, and he's now at 20 strength) where he has solved most, if not all, of the party's problems with excessive violence, included but sure as hell not limited to:

-Cutting a boss fight short with a kick to the balls

-Pile driving an enemy NPC

-Hurling the goblin rogue over a wall to infiltrate a fortress

-Using a two handed warhammer like a golf club to send a redcap flying across the map

-Stopping an old witch by repeatedly bashing her in the skull with said warhammer

-It should be noted that after a short lull where he didn't fly off into a psychotic rage, once I activated his rage ability, the DM said "F---, I forgot he could do that!"

It's gotten to the point that he is now quite literally the most wanted man in the nation for his use of insanely obsessive violence in his attempt to overthrow the evil dictator.

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