Page 519 in The Baratie
first Latest
Page 519

first Previous Next Latest
Average Rating: 5
Number of people who have voted: 2

By the same author as Grand Line 3.5



19th Mar 2014, 12:19 AM

The lobster cannon is a beautiful thing. Almost as beautiful as the theme song of Sogeking!

Story time is about extremely interesting weapons, and boy, do I have a winner! Raxon possesses an epic level vorpal blade named Drinker. It has a viciously serrated blade which, when drawn, shakes wildly like a hedgetrimmer. It is a chaotic weapon with an insatiable thirst! After battle, dunk it in a jar of whiskey. It will absorb all the alcohol, and stop shaking so you can clean it off and sheathe it.

It's not called drinker for nothing.

edit delete reply



19th Mar 2014, 12:24 AM

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 12:27 AM

On Sniper Island
I was born
A hundred shots, a hundred hits
Lu lu lala lu

edit delete reply



19th Mar 2014, 12:40 AM

AKA the moment when Usopp lost his marbles.

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 12:04 PM

I do believe Usopp killed that man.

edit delete reply

Luminous Lead

19th Mar 2014, 8:16 PM

In a very heavily homebrewed 3.5 campaign, my bard managed to, with the help of a passing succubus alchemist, make a shocking crossbow that used an endless bag of caltrops as ammunition. It was lovingly name "The Caltripolt".

edit delete reply



19th Mar 2014, 1:21 AM

The only things interesting about my sorceror's weapon is that it's a Bastard Sword (PF rules say Tengus of any class can use any bladed weapon as a racial trait) and that I call it the Sebastian Sword because my mother doesn't like me saying the word bastard around her. =p

edit delete reply



19th Mar 2014, 2:12 AM

I might actually have Raxton beat for once, though it depends on if you count this as a "weapon". It was single use, weapon was definitely the mainstay, and it was solely a damage dealing offensive deal.

Yadda Yadda Yadda, we're in a campaign. I am playing a Dwarf Knight with a pretty nice Tower Shield. We meet up with an NPC who will combine magic items for us- the downside is that the combination is a little random. Combining a +1 Flaming Longsword and a +1 Shock Mace might end up as a +2 Flaming Shock Longsword, a +2 Flaming Shock Mace, or maybe a +1 Flaming Shock Macesword. (We didn't know this until after we got the very first result back- and I just happened to be the first person to use the service.)

I had a pretty simple +3 Tower Shield, but had recently gotten a brand new +4 Tower Shield with a spell reflection ability it could do once a day or so. So I decided to combine the old shield with something to make it more useful to use when the daily ability was on cooldown. I bought an elixir of Fire Breathing. I figured it would make a +3 Tower Shield that I could fire a cone of flame from, which would be pretty cool, and work well when using the shield as cover.

This was not what I got.

Instead, I got an "Elixir of Breathing Swords."

When drunk, the Elixir of Breathing Swords would cause the drinker to forcefully exhale a veritable armory of mundane weapons of various types and sizes, each of which would strike anyone in the area of effect.

I could only use it once, but when I did, it was glorious and amazing. If you don't think this is amazing, you need to take a moment to let the mental image of "a heavily-armored dwarf taking a swig out of a beer stein and then vomiting up an entire armory (and no vomit along with it) all over someone" sink in.

There was also the Stein Gunner, which was a floating version of Megaman's Buster that would circle the dwarf's head and fire small orbs at enemies with unerring accuracy at a rate of about 1 every 2 seconds. (1d6 per round).

These two weapons were unrelated, but they're probably my best weapon stories.

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 3:14 AM

4,300 ton hunk of granite used exactly once, covered in Tarasque guts

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 3:27 AM

Wouldn't that have become an "Elixir of breathing Tower Shields?" Where did the "sword"-part come from?

edit delete reply



19th Mar 2014, 5:54 AM

It breathed all sorts of weapons and shields. I suppose a more technically accurate name would be "Potion of Equipmentbreath" or something, but the NPC who made it called it described it as a Potion of Breathing Swords, so that's what it went down as on my sheet.

Used the damn thing against the final boss of the campaign. It didn't do terribly much damage, having sat in my inventory unused for like 6 levels or so- but the equipment it created DID serve to arm a veritable army of mooks, which helped one of the other players out with his mass-charge maneuvre thing. So it was sort of a double-whammy.

edit delete reply

Disloyal Subject

20th Mar 2014, 10:18 AM

A sword-breathing dwarf sounds pretty awesome! My story is about an Elven Cleric who played in my first DM'd game, before it went belly-up. They started at 5th level, so I decided everyone got 2 magic items to start with; she took a +something breastplate and... I was expecting a Keen Holy rapier. Nope, she wanted a Holy Cold Iron Dutch Oven to make ramen and holy water in.
I was fully expecting it to be broken out when least expected to smash undead heads and fiendish scorpion carapaces. Alas, the party never reconvened.

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 4:09 AM

Missed a dragon with the ceiling once, however my favorite weapon is my Chaotic Good Cleric's Bucket.

(for clarification we've been using a mix of Pathfinder and the D&D next playtest with a critical hit deck, ergo why my cleric's deity was Cayden Calien.)

First encounter we'd managed to get into my cleric had parlayed with the Kobolds we'd met and found out what their damage was. Apparently they were in the middle of a minor civil war among their tribes and so since our job was just to secure the trade route we decided to help these kobolds setle the dispute between tribes and they would leave the caravans alone. We immediately after that got into a fight with the other kobolds and the party's fighter went and got himself captured and abducted off to the big bad (some human sorcerer I think), which we were not actually supposed to face for another three levels. He did this intentionally so that he could ask questions.

The rest of us had followed along behind the kobolds that had carried off the fighter, and got to listen in as the guy divulged the fact that he had brainwashed the Kobolds we'd been fighting. My cleric immediately jumped from concealment and charged the sorcerer mid monologue screaming obscenities in the name of freedom and hurled the bucket he'd been carrying with him (because I'd been doing an Officer Tibbles impression because things were slow to start and I'd had leftover gold from getting my starting equipment). Natural 20, the crit deck said the attack did triple damage and the DM gave me an attack of opportunity because everyone was so stunned by what had happened, and so I hit him again with the bucket, critted again and mashed the sorcerer's head in. The bucket is now treated as a holy relic in our campaign, incidentally I've never used that die since then.

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 4:36 AM

In my Star Wars RPG, one player wil play every campaign as a Jedi, and he always has to have a pouch of small pebbles as part of his starting equipment. He uses the Force to shoot them like bullets. (Ironically, this does more damage than heavy blasters, let alone gunpowder weapons).

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 8:02 AM

The most interesting weapon I've ever had would have to be when I had acid-spraying implants in my hands.

This was the same teenage girl who made her own explosives... And drank alcoholic "potions" to roll her luck dice.

She carried regular vials of acid as well.

But I really liked the idea of having a compartment full of acid in your arms ready for spraying, just make sure nothing pierces your arm or you're fucked.

Less interesting but more of a story. In a vaguely sci-fi campgaign about beating back invading aliens, one of the other players had a Minigun, which fired ten shots a round, towards up to ten different enemies.

He also frequently used the multiattack option to fire twice. The result was that while my sniper could take aim, fire once and most likely kill whatever he was aiming at, he could fire twice and kill ALL the things he was aiming at.

Let's just say the GM won't be making the mistake of allowing something like that again.

edit delete reply


1st Jan 2016, 11:03 AM
"A magical sword that expands and contracts"

The weapon itself wasn't too weird. just a normal sword that works like the power pole from DB. The way we used it was what made it weird. we used it like a spear sometimes where one of us would make it expand from across the room until it speared a foe on the other end. Only the fighter could use it effectively because as it got longer it would get heavier and harder to control. Once he was giving a speech before a battle and he made the sword slowly expand into its sheath (which did not expand) so that he kept drawing it for almost 3 minutes of speaking and then he finally drew it as the speech ended. He failed his strength check and fell over afterwards. Its final use was as a last resort against a dragon. the fighter braced it on the ground made it expand until he could not hold in anymore and pushed it towards the dragon while it was still expanding and then it hit the dragon.The dragon got back up after being trapped for a turn and it destroyed the can still expand and all that but now instead of a normal sword it expands as a bent up jagged sharp piece of metal. We could still use it but now its unstable so we normaly don't

edit delete reply



19th Mar 2014, 8:09 AM

Sadly the game I was playing the Wizard/Inventor has been put on hold. Otherwise I'd have a pretty long list. Though not sure how interesting they would be if they're effective.

Highlights are probably pepper spray and bear traps.

Was working on making invisible bear traps. Which if not inherently interesting I imagine would lead to interesting situations.

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 9:45 AM

The only interesting weapon I've had was the Scottish Scalpel (a broad sword) that our GM threw us as a joke. Basically we would try to use it to solve any problem/puzzle and then had our wizard magically fix it for us, until our Gm just got fed up with all the time and effort invested in this and told us it was self-repairing.

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 11:53 AM
""Whats the damage on a falling Rhino?""

So, my former GM loved pitting us against horrible and terrible challenges way out of our league. And we kept defeating them, mostly through creativity and dumb luck. So at one point, We are descending a mile deep shaft, filled with dragons. We were lvl 9. At the bottom, coming up was a ancient great wyrm blue dragon. lvl 24. My monk cleric is clinging to the wall and casts obscuring mist, his only spell. At the top of the hole, is our parties thief, with a bag of tricks stuffed into his loincloth. So the thief reachs in and pulls out a rhino and chucks it down the hole at the dragon, who thanks to concealing mist, doesn't see it coming. In an attempt to kill the pc's earlier, the GM had removed the terminal velocity rule,so no cap on falling damage. End result being, I got to ask the GM "So...what is the damage on a falling rhino from a half mile up?"

End result, we rolled in total, 500 and some odd points of damage between the rhino and the dragon falling afterwards.

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 8:39 PM
"the golden twit"

So one campaign(and any there after) we found a solid gold diamond encrusted +5 vorpal longsword, I was all for the blade, until I drew it at which point the DM(350 pd man with arms bigger than me) does his best flamboyant tone and shrills"Greetings peasant you now have the glorious duty of keeping me clean for I and Vainblade greatest of swords". First it was cursed, I couldn't get rid of it and was bound to clean it the first hour before I slept and after I waked no mater what was happening(which always was goblins) , second it hated dirt filth AND especially blood I could not swing without a "duck" a "move" or a "don't get your filth on me" removing any chance of stealth or surprise, this all changed when the lich attacked. Turned out Vainblade hated undead more then I hated it and every roll against such foes brought a random spell on its heels(DM made a special chart for rolling any spell in the unearthed arcaena ). Vainblade my very well be why we survived the campaign.

There are fights to this day weather or not we loved or hated the sword by the end

edit delete reply

Midnight Blaze

19th Mar 2014, 8:32 PM
"Staff of Staying Put"

In my first D&D group, I played a Neutral Good half-Tiefling Sorceror. His weapon was a staff with an interesting enchantment on it: when he held it parallel to the ground and said it would stay put regardless of any and all physical force exerted on it, and would only drop to the ground when he said drop. This eventually became something of a plot point, as when my character went before the heads mages' collage where he had studied in order to get a couple of spells approved, they were stunned by the fact that when they asked him to sit, and he sat on his floating staff. This led to several groups came after us for the staff. We finally found out who it was that was sending all these guys after us when we interrogated one, and then went back to the collage. Once there, my character explained that he didn't know what enchantment was, and that the staff had been a parting gift given to him by his father, who had purchased it from a guy at a bazaar.

edit delete reply

Midnight Blaze

19th Mar 2014, 8:34 PM

Sorry, I missed a word so there's a typo:
"when he held it parallel to the ground and said 'stay' it would stay put regardless of any and all physical force exerted on it, and would only drop to the ground when he said 'drop'."

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 8:58 PM

Not unusual but always the funniest I remember.

Back in AD&D we found a dwarf throwing hammer. There was a solitary dwarf in the party who claimed it. He never had opportunity to use it for 3 levels just because of pure circumstance. He eventually bought some spiked armour and in the very next dungeon he finally had chance to use the hammer.

He threw it. He went to let go. He couldn't let go. The head embedded in the floor. It flipped him over. It let go of him. He went careening into the enemy and killed them with his armour spikes.

See it was a cursed item made by elves and the clue was based all in the wording of its name. It was a dwarf throwing hammer (as in a hammer that throws dwarfs) not a dwarven throwing hammer (a throwing hammer made by a dwarf).

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 9:25 PM

Got to say, one of my more unusual weapons was my fists, on a multiclass monk/swordsage. What, sounds common? Well, I did wind up using maneuvers and such to just punch walls down, called it my 'very crappy burrow speed'. And then (being a Githzerai) at level 11 (13 for most of the party, LA being what it is and all), I wound up actually using my planeshift ability. The joke being that I punched a hole in the planescape, and the party walked through. It also punched a nice hole in the plot, as the DM REALLY wasn't expecting it, us having only leveled up from the last game.

edit delete reply


19th Mar 2014, 11:25 PM
"Wierd Magic Gear/Weapon"

Back when I was DMing my Brother was playing a Wizard and getting into item creation. Well he was also completely obsessed with caltrops. So since we were playing good old 3.5 D&D, my brother got this idea to make adamantine Caltrops, totally awesome right? Well when you animate them as an animated swarm of caltrops that you can control telepathically then yep much scarier.

So what would you guess the first use was? Take down a row of calvary? Stab some little orc's piggies? Nope. He and this other wizard had been getting into the thick of it for awhile at this point in the game, and so sure enough he went and found the guys keep, dispelled the enchantment, and sicked these buggers on him. The little guys climbed the outside of the keeps walls, since their little prongs being adamantine didn't have to worry about hardness of the puny stone so they climbed right on up into the window he had opened for them. They then crawled up onto the guys bed and proceeded to swarm the enemy wizard to death. Poor guy couldn't get a spell off to save his life and was done in by the damn things.

edit delete reply



20th Mar 2014, 12:04 AM

You know, my comments dominate this section so often, I should collar this comic. Or maybe DT.

edit delete reply

Marker Mage

20th Mar 2014, 4:24 AM

While I don't have any stories about interesting weapons, I do have one about a cloak.

It was in 2nd edition D&D. My character was a human thief that dualclassed into wizard the first chance he got. I had made him with an idea of eventually making custom magic items in mind. Before I could get a permanence spell for that kind of thing however, I had gotten the deep pockets spell. Now, I don't think that spell made it to later editions, did it? Anyway, it would let you temporarily enchant a specially made garment with at least 12 pockets to hold much more in its pockets than it normally would. Well, my character had the ability to sew, some special blue spider silk, and an owl familiar named Dr. Hoot, so he went to work making a cloak that would be "bigger on the inside".

Now, this cloak was not going to be your run-of-the-mill "it fits the requirements and that's all" type of arcane spell focus. You see, I was in possession of the book "Sneakier Uses for Everyday Things", which describes how to modify a jacket into what it called "a spy gadget jacket with over 20 individual devices". I had pockets in the sleeves. I had a pocket under the hood. I had pockets that you reach into and reach up to find a hidden pocket. I had a pocket on the inside and a pocket on the outside actually be one single pocket with a divider. I had a pocket whose one and only opening was a tube of cloth that went up the side of the cloak and to the end of a sleeve, making the only way to put things into it being to slide it down the tube, and the only way to get stuff out be to have the Deep Pockets spell expire or to give the command to have everything expelled from the enchanted pockets. I even made models of some of the pockets out of duct tape to show to the DM. The description of each of the 12 pockets and their locations and what objects I would normally keep in them took up nearly an entire page. If my character needed to conceal something, this cloak would manage it. Need to hide coins and small gems where they will never be found? Slip it down the cloth tube in the sleeve. Need to make something disappear? Stick it into the outer side of the double pocket and pull it out of the inner side with the other hand. Anyone who saw the object put into the pocket on the outside of the cloak will expect it to still be there and can eventually be convinced that they were seeing things. Need a good place for the familiar to spend its time? Hood pocket. Need a place to keep a magic staff or wand? Sleeve pocket.

I admit that I hadn't quite managed to make effective use of all of the special pockets this cloak had to offer before the character who made it died trying to regain his ability to memorize spells by getting in touch with his old reckless personality. However, the cloak survived, and ended up in the possession of a fake wizard who uses alchemy and nimble fingers, so there's some chance of those unused pockets coming into play.

edit delete reply


20th Mar 2014, 4:32 AM

Wait, that's not a gun... it's a Rock Lobster!

edit delete reply


20th Mar 2014, 5:40 PM
"Of weapons and madness"

I've got some experience with weird weapons myself, though most of them are direct consecuence of aplying logic to magic or using spells in a way they're not meant to... Like the 'offensive' forcewall, for example, wich was used against a half dragon i had who was an expert on diving from the skyes, hitting his enemy and then flying out of reach. Thing was i tried to use this against a wizard that was running down a well, but the bastard prepared his action against my charge and timed it so i broke my wings after smashing right into an invisible wall of bluedgeoning undestructiveness.

Other interesting weapons i've heard about from a friend was a combo between grease and bard's summon instrument used to bring forth an organ. Was used to clean hallways of traps, smash enemies and to run away downhill with all the party, when needed... Soon got forbidden, anyway, causing the guy to buy an actual organ to do exactly the same, though they had to push it everywhere and in the end they failed a strenght check while climbing a steep hill and the organ run them all over, killing them.

There is also the extradimensional bomb made while putting an extradimensional space inside another. Thanks to our DM we keep the rule from older D&D editions that made all extradimensional spaces (and not only the bag of holding+portable hole combo) interact in this way, wich we can exploit with the create pit spell and a cloth (casting the spell over it, making a makeshift portable hole, then throwing it into another pit on the ground, effectively banishing everything in a 20' radius into either the astral plane or the void. Very useful at level 3, since everybody knows that a problem delayed is a problem denied when your enemies can't planeshift easily).

Another interesting weapon is gravity itself, since you can teleport an unwilling target miles into midair if it fails his saving throw. And among those lines, it is technically possible to teleport a small dagger into the lungs of a creature if you previously fill them completely with air using another spell, though since teleport object is such a high level spell, this i mostly save for people i really want to see dead in a bad way. It's not very cost-efficient.

And of course, there is also the other side of the coin: makeshift weapons made out of an extremely high strenght score. In this category, the best i've used was the doors of a dwarven fortress overrun by orcs, wich we previously tore out of its place with brute strenght... sadly both edges of the door proved to make poor quality thrown weapons... mainly because despite having a str score of 30 at lvl 2 while raging our aim was terrible (total bonus of +1).

Last unusual weapon i can remember right now is a friend's invention, essentially a bear trap tied or glued (via magic, if i have a say in the matter) on the top of a pole. Give it to a good old pair of barbarians and rejoice with the sheer absurdity of the resulting scene. I have a feeling that if we get leadership in our current campaign and our followers can't use magic, they're gonna be armed with loads of this.

edit delete reply


20th Mar 2014, 6:45 PM
"An Idea (beware of pun)"

First of all play a large sized monk. Now get someone to cast enlarge person on you. Next find 2 female clerics wearing habits and make them both hold on to either end of a 5 foot long rope. Now you need to cast flesh to stone on both of them.

Voila. Stone Nun-chucks.

edit delete reply


20th Mar 2014, 9:12 PM

Problem is being large sized while still qualifying for the "person" part of the spell, Can't think of a single less than LA+2 race that would work, a better weapon is to be a Large monk, Take the Talshorasha feat to allow your monk and psion/psionic warrior levels to stack for everything then manifest the expansion power on yourself, you'll be less of a drain on party resources and....... I Just realised this is a pun post not an optimization post, i'll just go sulk in a corner now.

edit delete reply


20th Mar 2014, 9:27 PM
"Interesting Weapons."

So there was always this build that i never got to try out. It revolves around the "Fling Ally" feat. Basically you have the Thrower, preferably a Goliath, and your thrown weapon, preferably a Halfling rogue with lots of tumble.

And then you have the Remote Backstab.

edit delete reply

David Fisher

21st Mar 2014, 3:58 AM

I just realized the mother of all level-inappropriate encounters is fast approaching; can't wait.

edit delete reply


13th Apr 2014, 8:51 AM

In one campaign, my bard got his hands on a weird lute the party found in this ancient dungeon. The lute happened to be able to cast one single spell, an unlimited ammount of times. That spell?


The DM actually made rules for a Wabbajack spell. So I essentially got to run around, firing off Wabbajacks, turning shit into baby goblins and elder arrowhawks wherever I went like a halfing bard god of madness. It. Was. Amazing.

I miss that campaign.

edit delete reply


11th May 2014, 2:08 AM
"Lute of Dragon Mating"

Heheh, reminds me of a campaign I'd played recently.

I was a bard named Bard Simpleton (because my Bard had an Int of ~ 3). It was literally still our first session, and we'd found a Lumberjack's home a little off the trail on a mountainside.

His wife is home, and she hasn't seen him in about a day.
Normally, she wouldn't worry much, especially since a storm had blown through a few days ago; one of the trails he used might've been blocked.
But, of course, she'd been seeing a lot of smoke from over yon mountain, and the rumors were speaking of a dragon nesting there.
So, as a good idiot bard, I naturally said that I'd woo the dragon with my amazing skills, and save the beautiful maiden's husband!

The rest of the party (A Cleric, a Paladin, and a Knight) were just like "Yeah, we'll go save your husband."
So, we went.
Found the cave.
And the lumberjack's "lucky" ax (The stats were a -3 to attack against all enemies except trees and wooden enemies, and no chance for Crit), his arm, and his hat.

I pick up the hat and say, "Come, friends! We've found the brave Lumberjack! Let us fight for his rescue!"
And then I ran right into the cave.
The quest was basically completed at that point. All we had to do was turn around, tell the wife "He dead," and claim our reward, and a few points of RPXP.
Of course, the rest of the group followed after me, and the GM had to come up with something.
So, the first thing he notes is that it's a female dragon.
It's nesting here because it's time to give birth.
And it's got me wrapped up in its tail.

One of the other adventurers, our Cleric, recalls that female dragons usually are either extremely angry, or extremely horny when about to give birth.
So that's what our GM goes with.
(Because fuck me, right?)

So! I make a roll (because my character's too stupid to do much of anything in battle without first having me roll), and I get a 4 on a 6-sided die.

This means that my character plays a song on his lute. I thus start playing a song to Charm Beast. And it was VERY. EFFECTIVE.

So, I keep rolling. A 5, a 16, a 12, a 7, and a 3. And basically, anything higher than a 9 would be considered arousing by the dragon. (As for why I kept rolling, well... That was basically the number of times I could win/fail before the Dragon was completely Charmed or became Enraged.)

All I needed was a Crit-fail to get the dragon to snap out of the spell, and throw me across the cave, where I could make my daring escape (or, you know, eat me, either or).
... And I got a crit-success, Nat-20.

I lost all but 1 hp, due to Dragon Snu-snu. I also gained 2 Int and 3 Cha, mainly due to the character's loss of innocence, as well as a modified dragon-egg that had a watermark in the shape of a lute on it. (I later got the same mark tattooed on my character's chest, but that's a different story)

So... yeah. When the dragon hatched, it turned out to be EXTREMELY helpful as my pet/familiar/son/it's-complicated, so we dubbed that lute the "Lute of Dragon Mating."

'Twas a most intriguing campaign, that one.

edit delete reply


19th Feb 2021, 6:01 PM

helped a friend make a magic heavy longsword.

its ability was based on the.. eyelander? From Team Fortesss 2. -the head collected demoman sword

with every kill by decapita--
head or limb cut off the sword would slowly grow stronger.

unfotunaly we flubbed apart of the math and made the thing TOO strong and the DM had it explode to get rid of it.

edit delete reply

Leave a Comment