Uh oh. These guys are gonna git rekt. Story time! Tell about a time when an NPC got smashed to show how big and bad the Big Bad is, Worf style.

I had a DM steal something out of one of my private files, once. You know, the personal projects you don't let anyone see? I like to write as a hobby.

Well, imagine my surprise when, just two weeks later, we find out the big bad is just a figurehead. And then the big bad who we'd been getting hints about the previous session shows up. He completely stomps the former big bad, and an elder blue dragon in three rounds. And then he turns to us, and quotes, word for word, a two paragraph little speech I had written in my story.

I was unhappy. Also unhappy that he had mistakenly taken the whole file rather than copying it to his phone. And he had butchered it, cutting and pasting bits he liked in a seperate text file for notes and future use.

The big bad dual wielded these custom weapons called battle mops. They're five foot long staves with a crossbar on one end and four foot long spidersilk mop fibers. Get the mop head wet, and it grants you three things.

First, you get a bonus to using it to grapple. Second, you can grapple from more than an arm's length away. Third, it allowed a series of grabbling strikes based on the idea that while they're caught, you can hit them with the other end. This was something from my story, and it was irritating to see.

Well, what he did was confront the former big bad making a deal with a dragon. He pointed out how the former big bad was cheating the dragon, and KOed him, offering him and all his possessions to the dragon.

The dragon accepted this and swallowed the FBB whole. New big bad leaped up onto the dragon's neck and slammed his mops qgainst the neck, getting the mop heads tangled and knotted together.

He then pulls up and strangles the dragon, preventing him from fully swallowing so he chokes to death on the FBB. When the dragon is dead, he shakes the tangles out of the mops, turns to us, and delivers the stolen speech.

I gotta give props though. Strangling a dragon was a damn terrifying way to introduce him.

Ugh, that sucks man. Did he ever apologize for the theft?

Yes, and he didn't mean to take the file, just copy it. Still took a few hours to restore, though. He didn't keep an unmolested copy.

You want to storytime every single campain? I refuse!
Alternative story time: Tell about a time NPC actually managed to do a severe beating to the enemy.

In one game I'm playing in, our party was handed a pair of NPC mercenaries, basically to help keep the heat off the PCs in combat when some of our flakier party members don't show up. One of the two in particular has a habit of missing on almost every attack roll, until he gets wounded himself, at which point his next attack is damn near always a crit. It's happened enough times the GM has been considering just giving the trait to that NPC as a feat.

It's like getting a hole in one. Chances are, it'll never happen. But dice and GM Railroading can do wonders to probability.

Share a story about a time something was fired, and then hit a target with improbable accuracy. Whether it was being aimed at that target or not.

Improbably accuracy, maybe not. But I do have a story of quite the lucky shot. Dark Heresy. Our group was stuck in an elevator going up with a bunch of cultists above shooting down. Few shots were hitting on either side. Then the cultists bring out this big machine gun. I decide to take a shot at it. A choice between the exposed ammo feed, and the guy manning the thing. I shoot for the gunner. I hit the guy in the arm, blowing it off. Apparently, it was a very lucky shot. The guy was about to open fire when I blasted the arm pulling the trigger. This did two things. First, it forced the gun to keep firing until it was out of ammo. Secondly, it knocked the gun around enough to cause it to accidentally mulch a rather large group of cultists.

I remember that one! You guys retrieved the heavy stubber and used it for a while, right?
I haven't really achieved impossible accuracy much, just maximum carnage. Rolling near-maximum damage on a pair of unarmored civilians while dual-firing sniper rifles, for example. Splat.

Kind of the opposite, but still improbable accuracy in that not only did they miss at point-blank range, they hit someone else who was in a completely different direction.

PCs were breaking into bad guy's dungeon. Bad guy has guards ready to stop them. One of the PCs has a bow. one of the bad guys falls unconscious.

PC gets natural ones on two consecutive attacks. I rule that this means the PC shoots the unconscious guy. Twice. Unconscious guy dies. I name him and give him a sob story.

Later in the encounter, they sunder the last guard's equipment, but the player decides a lightning bolt they took from a wizard earlier in the encounter made them crazy (possibly to justify shooting an unconscious guy). Said character then gets literally kicked to death by the last guard, then their corpse gets stolen by a cyborg.

Good times.

This is a very recent one of improbably luck that ultimately resulted in us retiring our critical hit deck.

So one of out characters was an engineer, and had made a heavy crossbow for our ranger that was basically the Barret M82 of crossbows, accuracy bonus between 100 and 200 yards because of lense magnifiers, disadvantage under that but was sturdy enough to act as a bludgeoning weapon in close quarters.

Downside was that it took two full turns to reload and you couldn't move if you were loading or aiming.

There was also some experimental ammunition, broadheads that did slashing damage, a heavy bolt that counted for crushing, and an armor piercing bolt.

So we had somehow drawn the big bad out of his castle, the ranger is set up on a hill 200 yards from us. At some point the fight moved inside his best range (accuracy dips very low very fast outside the optimal range) and he rolls at the same time the barbarian's player moves his coffee mug, the same mug that he'd been banking all his rolls off of, so the die goes rolling off the table and across the kitchen. We have a rule about mulligans and dies being played where they lie. I and the barbarian have to go find the die, turns out to be a natural one.

My current GM has a convoluted system for critical misses and uses a d100 for determining the outcome, out of all the outcomes it rolled out as turning into a critical hit. Because the ranger was using the broadhead bolts when the gm pulled the crit deck card it turned out to be a decapitation card for slashing damage.

The bad guys guards shrugged and looked around "We ain't beholden to a dead man... least he paid in advance" and laid down their arms and the bard started negotiations for us to get our own private army while I and the barbarian went in to inspect our new holdings while the druid went to collect the ranger.

For my first comment, this story is worth telling:

I'm DMing a Pathfinder-based loosey-goosey homebrew session. The bard has recently come into possession of a flintlock pistol, and wanted to use it to distract the guards of an enemy camp the team is sneaking into. He rolls a nat 1, so I decide he accidentally hit someone and have him roll to see who.

he then gets nat 20. I have him roll damage without telling him who he hit, then let the battle proceed. After it's done, the team is looting the camp when they find a dead guard sitting in a chair in his tent, with a bullet wound in his skull.

I would've just had the pistol explode in his hand. Nat 1 with such an outdated firearm means the person using it gets screwed, no? :P