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Page 587 in The Baratie
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Average Rating: 5
Number of people who have voted: 1


By the same author as Grand Line 3.5
Comments:

Raxon

Raxon




22nd Aug 2014, 1:34 AM

Hehehe, I played a ranger with a talking animal companion once. He died immediately upon the DM hearing the two speak, because they had a Rocky and Bullwinkle feel to them.

"Oh no, Moosta! We're busted! They're scouts!"

"Hmmm, they don't look like scouts. Let's see 'em rub two sticks together."

"Not owlcub scouts, orc scouts!"

"Then let's see 'em rub two orcs together!"

The perverted connotations are not lost on me.

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Malroth




22nd Aug 2014, 1:59 AM

should have been an Artificer with a couple of "intelligent" constructs with whom you'd MST3000 everything.

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Disloyal Subject

Disloyal Subject




22nd Aug 2014, 3:21 AM
"It's Raxon, don't question it"

What makes you think he didn't do that next?
(And if he didn't, someone needs to!)

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Raxon

Raxon




22nd Aug 2014, 5:03 AM

Haven't, but will.

I do plan, however, to play a transplanted rogue from modern day Earth in D&D who just happens to be a security expert.

And have him constantly lecture villains on every single way their defenses are lacking. Especially after learning that there are farseeing spells you can anchor to things.

No excuse not to have some guards watching every hall of your fortress without exposing themselves to unnecessary danger.

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terrycloth




22nd Aug 2014, 2:58 PM

"This security system was designed by a seven year old. The door to the security hub was locked by a riddle that we solved using clues *written on the door*."

"They were written in code?"

"That's no excuse!"

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Raxon

Raxon




24th Aug 2014, 2:13 AM

And I picture him as a mix between Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay.

Man, that is a fun character. Can't wait to build it.

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Disloyal Subject

Disloyal Subject




22nd Aug 2014, 3:23 AM
"Friendly Fire"

Storytime! Tell a tale of nearly missing a party member, or actually hitting them - preferably with a powerful attack.

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Death




22nd Aug 2014, 6:20 AM
"Friendly Fire"

Thrikreen goes into melee. Archer starts shooting into melee.
Thrikreen: "If you hit me, I will kill you."
Archer: *Critical Miss. Hits Thrikreen*
Thrikreen: (After defeating his opponent) *Attacks Archer. Critical hit. Kills him.*
(The archer's next character was a Warforged who tried to use a large spiked chain. That didn't work any better.)

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Sumguy




22nd Aug 2014, 6:25 AM

I'll tell you the tale of Ewan the Barbarian and his little elvish Duskblade friend. Ewan the Barbarian and his little elvish friend (along with their human healer and goblin rogue), were having a good old time fighting a boss battle. Guy was a beast. Shit-tons of HP, a massive ammount of armor, and an enchanted spear that we really, really wanted. So, as the Duskblade is locked in honorable combat with this boss, Ewan the Barbarian flies into a rage, and begins roaring about how he will crush all those who dare get in his way. Charge in with his sword. Roll. Nat 1. DM does his little d100 to see what happens. Tells me to roll damage. I have a strength of twenty, increased by my rage, on a two-handed greatsword. Needless to say, I brought the duskblade to -4. However, all was not lost. For as we lamented our fate, I shouted out into the darkness our dying light of hope. "I CLEAVE INTO THE BOSS!" Stunned was the DM, but it was all perfectly legal. So the Boss was cleaved. Now, this did not kill him, but it did get his attention, allowing the healer to sneak up and bring the Duskblade back onto her feat. Upon which she proceeded to completely annihalate the boss with a nat twenty to a blade of blood.

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terrycloth




22nd Aug 2014, 3:02 PM

We were playing 4e with a houserule that any natural 1 hit a nearby party member instead. We come to an NPC being menaced by bandits, and try to save him. The ranger double-shots and one of them critical misses and takes down the NPC.

I'm playing the cleric, so I heal him (the GM allows him to be 'dying' even though he was a minion and should just be dead). The ranger's next attack... same thing. I heal him again. This time, the wizard uses scorching burst on three bandits, nowhere near the NPC or any party members, but one of the attacks rolls a natural 1. So the GM has a stray blast of flame come sailing to the other side of the battlefield to hit the NPC again.

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nathan400




22nd Aug 2014, 4:40 PM

Wow, bullet sponge, thy name be NPC.

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Raxon

Raxon




23rd Aug 2014, 12:18 AM

Hmmm... a magic sponge that absorbs bullets, and draws fire...

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Disloyal Subject

Disloyal Subject




24th Aug 2014, 2:00 AM

So... a sponge with the arrow catching enhancement, but consuming projectiles (and magic)?

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Malroth




24th Aug 2014, 4:50 PM

wow that is literaly the worst written enchantment i've ever seen, +1 Deflection bonus that doesn't stack with anything (Hours/lv +2 modifiers are available from lv 1 spells) Only applies to projectiles with less enchantment than the shield and doesn't work on tower shields at all.

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Pibald




22nd Aug 2014, 10:52 PM
"Ouch"

So, in a high level game (around level 18 at the time) my warlock is firing off an eldrich blast in a room that, to our unfortunate realization, is redirecting spells randomly on a failed will save.
Our other big ranged character, an archer, is down to around -5HP or so.
You can guess where this is going...
One failed will save later, our archer was at -87 HP from a critical hit eldrich blast.
Ouch.

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Draylon




23rd Aug 2014, 3:52 AM

In my first every game, in my first battle, i did more damage to my partywith rapid shot than the enemy by missing shots on enemy by less than 4...

Later on one our characters got grappled by a large snake, the character was the one i had repeatedly shot the most, I went first and shot it 2 times, (him begging me not to, because of my luck) wizard decides to scorching ray it and then our monk knocks it unconscious, all barely hitting the snake.

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Ironblaze




22nd Aug 2014, 10:44 AM
"Whoops"

Our party was playing in Eberron, and owned a fairly respectable tavern in Sharn. One day, a large horde of necromancers made it into the city, and began raising every corpse they could find. Naturally, our small party felt it more important to defend our bar than seek out the source, up until my character had a bright idea. To help make ends meet, they had been renting the basement out to an alchemist, and my character thought his knowledge of poisons would be good enough to rig something to explode with all the alcohol upstairs. I did have the foresight to tell all of the party members who could hear me to escape into the sewers (no, we couldn't afford a tavern on one of the floating towers), but three of the other party members were pinned across the street. The DM has me roll to see how my jury-rig alchemy goes.
Natural 1
Shocked, the DM tells us to roll every single dice in the room for damage. We got a total somewhere in the ballpark of 550 points (Naturally, most of the d20s decide to crit now) of damage, and he grabs a set of percentile to see just how big the explosion was, centering off of my character. With a roll of 98, he determined that I had only only killed all the zombies in the tavern, I had managed to blow up nearly half of the city. Fortunately, the party members in the sewers had made it far enough away that the explosion didn't propagate very well to them, although one was knocked unconscious. This all was justified by the fact that we had been stocking draconic ale, which apparently can be quote explosive under the right conditions.

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Ironblaze




22nd Aug 2014, 10:44 AM
"Whoops"

Our party was playing in Eberron, and owned a fairly respectable tavern in Sharn. One day, a large horde of necromancers made it into the city, and began raising every corpse they could find. Naturally, our small party felt it more important to defend our bar than seek out the source, up until my character had a bright idea. To help make ends meet, they had been renting the basement out to an alchemist, and my character thought his knowledge of poisons would be good enough to rig something to explode with all the alcohol upstairs. I did have the foresight to tell all of the party members who could hear me to escape into the sewers (no, we couldn't afford a tavern on one of the floating towers), but three of the other party members were pinned across the street. The DM has me roll to see how my jury-rig alchemy goes.
Natural 1
Shocked, the DM tells us to roll every single dice in the room for damage. We got a total somewhere in the ballpark of 550 points (Naturally, most of the d20s decide to crit now) of damage, and he grabs a set of percentile to see just how big the explosion was, centering off of my character. With a roll of 98, he determined that I had only only killed all the zombies in the tavern, I had managed to blow up nearly half of the city. Fortunately, the party members in the sewers had made it far enough away that the explosion didn't propagate very well to them, although one was knocked unconscious. This all was justified by the fact that we had been stocking draconic ale, which apparently can be quote explosive under the right conditions.

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thatoneotherguy




22nd Aug 2014, 9:06 PM
"Three Strikes"

In one of our games, the cleric and his infamous crossbow came to be known as three strikes. This was because the crossbow, which he fired only three times in the year long game, dramatically struck out three times.

The first strike missed entirely, causing the cleric to be brutally mauled and diseased by the critical hitting dire rat.

The second strike, the one relevant to this story time,critically hit our fighter in the back and killed him, leaving us completely open to attack from the zombie horde where we almost all died.

On the third strike, it shattered into little pieces, upon which the cleric was struck down by the boss who had only 2 hp left. The third shot was especially funny because of his famous last words "Third times the charm right guys?" Afterwords, someone commented "No, three strikes and you're out." and thus the tale of Three Strikes was born.

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Disloyal Subject

Disloyal Subject




24th Aug 2014, 1:57 AM

That might actually make for a good cursed item enchantment - Three Strikes; the item breaks irreparably and deals damage x1.5 to the wielder after 3 critically failed attack rolls.

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shrandis




24th Aug 2014, 6:43 AM

I'm totally using that cursed item in my campaign :D

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Super_Big_Mac




24th Aug 2014, 10:39 PM
"Three Strikes make a Turkey"

I'd do as you said, but also give it a three times effect for Nat-20s. If the user gets three crits, it's a boost of 175% base damage (poisons and other effects wouldn't be affected) per crit, with the last one turning the weapon into a Fatman from the Fallout series, and then breaking irreparably.

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