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Average Rating: 5
Number of people who have voted: 1


By the same author as Grand Line 3.5
Comments:

DeadpanSal




22nd Oct 2018, 2:53 AM

For today's story time, can I suggest least competent villain?

I introduced a band of bad guys (guy with a bladed cello, a sniper, and their medic). The healer was a guy with a healing shiv named Ian Kevork, stabbed you for 1d3, healed you for 1d8. Least useful party member ever. The players killed everyone and kept him around. He did not join the party, he did not heal anyone. They just didn't think he was worth killing.

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Guest




22nd Oct 2018, 10:02 AM

Funny story from a recent Pathfinder game. The party encounters a grumpy old lich in a dungeon. Fortunately he’s willing to let us just leave since he just wants to get back to his research. The party doesn’t want to have to deal with fighting a full caster, so we agree to just leave him be. So we continue derping around the dungeon, and as we’re leaving, the lich pops in front of us and starts yelling at us for breaking his shit (which was really his fault, he should have put up some sort of sign saying that that negative energy portal was supposed to be there). Combat with the guy we didn’t want to fight ensues. He fingers our healer to death instantly, and then immediately gets geeked by the mounted fighter and rogue follow up. And we’re sitting here wondering why we were so scared of the guy (aside from the healer, who was getting his frequent flyer card punched for like the fifth time that week)

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JuicyGrey

JuicyGrey




22nd Oct 2018, 11:37 AM

But did you got his(?) phylactery too?...

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Guest




23rd Oct 2018, 10:17 AM

Yep, the dumbass literally had it under the floorboards of his study. Didn’t even bother with traps beyond a (admittedly very painful) negative energy blast. Hell the biggest holdup was the fact that only one of our characters was a strength build so it took a couple of minutes to smash the thing.

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Halosty45

Halosty45




22nd Oct 2018, 11:56 AM

That's why liches should be sorcerers instead of wizards. Sweet hp from CHA :D

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Daevin




23rd Oct 2018, 1:02 AM

Can do.
This reminds me of the tale of the Dragon Emperor:

I was GM for a Pathfinder one-shot, stepping in for the usual GM of that group. The party were level 1-3, with half of the players being pretty much rookies, so I decided to give them something light-hearted.
They were hired to track down the missing pet pseudodragon of the goodhearted little daughter of some richer-than-rich aristocrat living out in the countryside, and long story short they soon enough figured out that it was probably kidnapped by a local fearsome and mysterious bandit lord only known as "The Dragon Emperor".
Noone they talked to had ever seen him, but rumors ran rampant.

When they finally reached his lair and went in to confront him... they found a kobold sitting on a shoddily made 20ft high "throne" made from rotting wood and metal scraps, wearing a banged up too-big cheap crown. There were a few more kobolds and a warg in the "throne room", watching his "treasure".
The Emperor kept yelling at the party to "Kneel before the Dragon Emperor!" and threw a temper tantrum when they started laughing.
In the end, they de-throned him (literally) and grabbed him along with the caged pseudodragon, since someone probably had set some bounty for him.

The other kobolds ran away in terror, and when they were about to leave, the warg spoke up in perfect Common, complaining that he's gonna be bored now that they're taking away his jester. I THINK the warg asked for one of them to stay behind and entertain him for a few days (promising not to eat them) in exchange for some hidden treasure, but I'm not sure about that part anymore.

But anyways: The party got fed up with the Dragon Emperor before they even got back to town (he mostly just kept yelling "How dare you! I'm the Dragon Emperor!"), so they drugged him by rubbing him on the halfling rogue's pet giant toad until he was unconscious (from the mild Wisdom poison)... and then fed him to said giant toad, saying "Screw it."

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SeriousBiz




22nd Oct 2018, 1:30 PM

In a lighthearted campaign I once ran, I decided to pit the party against an antagonist designed to be utterly incompetent at pretty much everything he did, just to add a bit of comedy to an otherwise pretty traditional treasure hunt focused on puzzle-solving and exploring. He was an arrogant, petty thief who primarily served to get the adventure started, but after that was accomplished, he mainly existed to try and outsmart - and get routinely humiliated by - the party (who found his uselessness too amusing to even bother dealing with him in any kind of semi-permanent manner). The only time he managed to in any way get the upper hand for a second was when he threatened the (unarmed) party with a handgun he had found. Which, turns out, didn't have any bullets. There are no plans to bring him back, even though the group still looks back at him with fond memories.

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DeadpanSal




23rd Oct 2018, 3:12 PM

[Spike tries to get through a difficult moment, cowboy music starts playing.]

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