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Average Rating: 5
Number of people who have voted: 3


By the same author as Grand Line 3.5
Comments:

Raxon

Raxon




29th Aug 2018, 12:47 AM

Let me tell you a little story about Rupertino, the minstrel of love. He's a bard, devoted to the goddess Aphrodite. I minmaxed him to have the leadership feat. He has a bunch of noncombat npcs along with the party everywhere. All of them are women. Rupertino's voice is blessed by the goddess herself, with the power to inspire love between two people.

When I explained this, another player said, "He's a singing pimp?" "Sure, why not? He's a singing pimp."

And now I present to you, one of the songs I sang for my group on Saturday.

"I can show you some girls.
Lucy, Tanya, or Wendy.
Tell me buddy, now when did
you last let your dick decide?

You can open her wide,
Make her feel all your thunder.
Over, sideways, and under
On a magic bedroom ride.

A fresh new girl!
A new fantastic way to screw.
No one will tell you no.
Pay as you go.
Your name, they'll soon be screaming."

(One of Rupertino's girls. My falsetto sucks.)

"A brand new girl!
I've places no man ever knew.
When you're balls deep in here,
it's crystal clear,
I'm a brand new girl,
and just for you.

Unbelievable sights.
Indescribably regal.
Screwing, sucking, roleplaying,
As of noon today, legal."

That's as far I got before I was told to stop.

Edit: I was told to stop because my falsetto sucks. This was after I gave up on the divine matchmaker he was supposed to be. Rupertino goes into the retired character concept folder. I thought it was a neat idea, but my group misconstrued romance as whoring, and I started getting a little pissy over it.

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BakaGrappler




29th Aug 2018, 4:15 AM

Holy shit man. I wanna game at your table.

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Raxon

Raxon




29th Aug 2018, 5:34 AM

Ten minutes at the table with the singing pimp, and the DM vetoed it, because a chaotic good servant of the goddess of love should not be using that power to command sex slaves.

No matter how I tried to explain in the beginning, he was just called a singing pimp. In reality, he was supposed to be a divine matchmaker, kissed by the goddess, and chosen to spread love.

After that, I said screw it. Now he sings to force sexy young girls to fall in love with him, and he uses that love to pimp them out, regularly rotating his stock each time he enters a city.

The DM relented after I had him recruit a pair of yearling girls, who, by their species' standards, were barely legal. By human standards, they had just hit puberty. I got to play Rupertino the way I originally intended.

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Departure_Dave




29th Aug 2018, 5:26 AM

I'm astounded that you got that deep before they realized what they'd okayed.

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Raxon

Raxon




29th Aug 2018, 5:40 AM

I never described him as a pimp. Women travel with him, and he guides them to their soulmates. But nobody would let up about him being a pimp.

Seriously, this was intended to be a lighthearted character, but no, the other players introduced my character as their singing pimp when we entered the next city. Screw them. They want a pimp? They'll get a pimp.

Edit: Sometimes, I have these ideas I think are neat, and they fall flat. That's a risk you take with unconventional character concepts. This one was a flop. I think it could work, but not with this group.

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Poker




29th Aug 2018, 11:35 AM

Think i would have let it go with you original concept but tweaked it especially so that he could not use his power of love to pimp. Look lik the guy's you where playing with work contratry to me.

Thinking of it, the one time i introduced a NPC who expressed interest in having sex slaves, all my players decided that he should be dead by the end of the session, so i don't think they would have been the ones to call you character a singing pimp.

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Raxon

Raxon




29th Aug 2018, 2:14 PM

You just gave me an idea. How about a character who enthralls three or four women with a minor charm spell, but treats them all incredibly well? So that when someone breaks the spell over them, they look at the life they had before, and the life they have with him, and still choose to stay with him.

And then, for a real kick in the gut, the rest of the party learns that he never actually cast a charm spell on them. It's just a pendant he wears that boosts his charisma, but only for a few people.

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Departure_Dave




29th Aug 2018, 3:33 PM

Ah, so kind of like 50 First Dates, where the protagonist is initially portrayed buying lots of drinks for vacationing women to get them drunk and amenable to having sex with him, but then it's revealed that the drinks are completely alcohol/drug free and the "intoxication" is merely a placebo effect he's encouraging in order to protect their self-image while they cheat on their husbands.

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Pablo360




29th Aug 2018, 9:09 PM

“Siri, please describe the sleaziest possible movie, real or hypothetical.”

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Raxon

Raxon




29th Aug 2018, 9:55 PM

"Sophie's Second Choice describes a white supremacist propaganda piece set after Sophie chooses the kids over her husband. A tall, athletic black man moves in next door and begins to seduce her. She gets drunk with him, and it is revealed that when they sleep together, it's actually a shifty jewish man, played by Danny DeVito, that pays sexy black men to get respectable white women drunk, then abandoning the plan when they get pregnant. The stated plan is that she thinks she's screwing a black man, so when she pops out a kid, the black guy can laugh and call her a whore, and then the black guy can start seducing someone else for his jewish master.

Now, Sophie must choose between the black man she loves, or her Jewish baby that threatens her very life. At the same time, six other white girls between the ages of 14 and 22 must make the same decision."

There, I described the most vile, sleaziest movie premise you're going to hear for a long, long time.

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Gueist




29th Aug 2018, 4:01 PM

liking that plot twist about never having cast a spell.

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Raxon

Raxon




29th Aug 2018, 5:50 PM

It's fun making crazy characters.

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BakaGrappler




29th Aug 2018, 11:44 PM

A character I really wanna do is a New White Wolf Mage setting, with a Hobo Entropy / Forces Mage. He has nothing tying himself down and he's built around being able to destroy technology in the flashiest and most destructive ways possible with his Entropy / Forces spell of "Machine God's Violent Death."

Machine gun a car? The gas tank lights off.

Take a crowbar to a console? The computer bank electrifies and blows out.

Take a hammer to a secure door's electronic lock panel? The electric feedback blasts out the locking mechanism, unlocking the door.

He was also going to have a sentient spirit guide in the form of a Irish Maiden with a lilting accent he could quip one liners with as he walked away from explosions, and pseudo romance with someone that could never physically touch him.

Unfortunately, I've never been able to find a Mage Game.

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murphieschecker




30th Aug 2018, 5:02 AM

the best thing is when all the absurd nonsense and insanity is perfectly justified by the backstory. Which was accepted by the GM before they read it, as I probably wouldn't have got away with the character otherwise

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Phantomdemon




29th Aug 2018, 4:42 PM

Reminds me of the evil over list

"I shall not treat my mind controlled animal poorly, so when he is inevitably freed from said mind control, I am not the first target."

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Raxon

Raxon




30th Aug 2018, 12:12 PM

The key to winning is only being a dick when absolutely necessary. Never abuse your underlings.

Hell, Davrel runs a consortium of people more powerful than himself, and they all listen and respect him because he's a father figure to them. I mean it helps that he is their father, but it's a complicated relationship.

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Rudedog

Rudedog




29th Aug 2018, 9:59 PM

I had players do dueling broken mechanics one time. One made a diplomancer bard who's routine checks were simply unbeatable by any NPC who wasn't specifically and outrageously protected. The other made a hide based character who was basically impossible to find by any means. They... didn't actually meet or go on any adventures and the campaign ended after one session.

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